We all have a deep and rich inner world,
and countless thoughts cross our minds every day—good and bad.
Psychologists, psychiatrists, and various therapists have spent many
years researching these worlds, and many people have revealed a great
deal of information to them, some only after a long process and while
dealing with deep feelings of shame. In a popular thread on Reddit,
therapists from around the world shared the things their patients are
afraid to share because they think they're weird or abnormal, even
though they've heard them many times before. Hiding these details about
your life from professionals in this field or from those close to you is
unnecessarily harmful, so it's important to know that there's no reason
to be ashamed of the following 9 things...
1. Intrusive Thoughts
Do you sometimes think about violently attacking a rude person in the
supermarket? About driving against the traffic on the Ayalon Freeway?
Maybe even about stabbing a loved one in the stomach? These thoughts
bring us great shame, but they are actually something that many people
experience. Such intrusive thoughts about "inappropriate" content, which
arise at inappropriate times (mainly in the context of violence,
sexuality, or religion), sometimes cause a person to experience
thought-action fusion. That is, they attribute the same significance to
thinking about an action as to actually carrying it out. But it's
important to remember that most people can easily shake off intrusive
thoughts, so there's no reason to feel ashamed of them or to keep them a
secret from therapists.
2. "Something Is Wrong with Me..."
This self-perception is probably much more common than you think, and if
you've ever felt this way, know that you are not alone and have no
reason to be ashamed of it. Many therapists encounter people who have
developed a deep-seated belief that something fundamentally unfixable is
wrong with them, preventing them from fitting into society, succeeding
at work, finding a relationship, etc. In some cases, this belief is so
deeply rooted within them that it's hard for them to bring it to light
and talk about it. However, it's very important to do so, because only
by confronting this perception can one work to change the situation, and
it's always worth trying.
3. Undefined Pleasure
A person suffering from depression or going through some coping process
may sometimes hear various suggestions from professionals and friends
like "treat yourself to a fun day." But it may be surprising to discover
that this concept is vague for many people who, for various reasons,
ranging from life stress to anxiety, don't really know what brings them
joy. This seems like such an illogical problem that many are ashamed to
admit it, but that's not the case. There's no doubt that an evening of
watching TV or resting in bed can be very relaxing, but is it truly
enjoyable? Is it really what gives "fuel" to life? The answers to these
questions occupy many people and are certainly important, so there's no
reason to worry if you don't really know what brings you joy.
4. Masks
"I feel that if I behave like my true self, no one will like
me"—therapists regularly hear some version of this feeling. Even though
you might sometimes feel like you're the only one like this, in reality,
almost all the people we see wear masks that present a certain version
of themselves to the world, which is not necessarily who they really
are. This is not a reason for shame, and it's important to emphasize
that to some extent, this is a very natural and common behavior.
5. Ups and Downs
In any process related to depression, weight maintenance, addiction, or
any similar field, it's natural to experience setbacks, crises, and
shame as a result. People in therapy and in general sometimes feel that
they need to hide these things from their surroundings because they see
them as a sort of mark of Cain, even though we all experience them.
Anyone with good judgment understands that as long as a certain boundary
is not crossed, this is a common and even natural scenario. Therapists
even recommend not trying to suppress the focus on crises and moments of
regression—one should practice self-compassion and try to learn from
the past, not run away from it.
6. Parental Burnout
Many young and even older parents who come to therapy admit at some
point that they feel exhausted and fear they are not functioning well
with their children. Some will even say that they regret having
children, and this complaint is not uncommon, so there's no reason to
think that if you sometimes feel this way, it means something is wrong
with you. Parenthood is, by its very nature, hard and exhausting work,
and in most cases, all that can be done is to accept this fact and try
to be better parents within the possible framework.
7. Shame in the Past
It's no big secret that we all have a past we're not always proud of,
but what many are unaware of is that everyone also has "skeletons in the
closet" of some kind or another. Therapists often encounter people with
deep secrets from their childhood or adolescence, which they believe
would shock anyone who discovers them. There are cases where hiding such
secrets sometimes delays the therapeutic process a person is going
through, and we must not forget the burden that such a secret creates,
which weighs heavily on a person's soul. Even if you're convinced that
your secret is the darkest and most embarrassing of all time, you're
probably wrong and are simply judging yourself too harshly.
8. Voices in the Head
Some people sometimes struggle to identify their internal dialogue,
"self-talk" that is completely natural, and mistakenly interpret it as a
sign of hallucinations and serious problems. Sometimes this confusion
starts out of the blue at a certain stage in life and sometimes as a
result of a difficult experience that a person goes through, which stirs
up unusual emotional turmoil and thoughts that they don't know how to
deal with. This problem is quite common, and therapists and
professionals have tools like a series of simple questions with which
they can quickly determine whether it's a natural internal conversation
or something more complex. In the vast majority of cases, according to
the testimonies of many therapists, it's the former.
9. Lack of Progress
Starting a process of mental therapy is not an easy step and requires
commitment, but one should not let this fact create a need to lie or
hide a lack of progress. Therefore, when a person receives "homework"
such as thinking deeply about a certain topic or making a certain
behavioral change, it is normal to struggle with it and sometimes not be
able to make progress at all. Therapy is not an automatic process, and
human beings are not robots, and like the other items you have read
about so far, it is never a good idea to hide a lack of progress from
therapists, nor from spouses or other people close to you. These
difficulties are an inseparable part of making a change in life, and if
you do not acknowledge them to your surroundings and yourself, you will
only harm yourself, so there is no reason to do so.
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